just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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