Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
