I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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