i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
