if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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