The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I will pee on everything he values.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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