I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
