we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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