The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you made out with another girl for some wings
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
