Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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