my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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