Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
