yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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