Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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