Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
