the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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