I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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