I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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