in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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