Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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