she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
is it fun? or sober?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
