I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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