dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
