He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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