There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
