my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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