no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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