I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
