i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
