Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
