He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
