Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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