i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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