Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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