HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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