There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
