is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
