i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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