Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
