I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The best revenge is premature balding
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
