bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
