living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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