finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
