My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
