I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
