I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize