her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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