If i come over, it means nothing
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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