Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
