Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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