Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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