Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
