I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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