He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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