Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
