After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize