officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize