my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize