a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
