mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
