Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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