I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
