I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
