i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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