The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
